He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
I just want nice things and good sex
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
