um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Randomize
