dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Randomize
