We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
