I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
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