Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
