Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Randomize
