I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
