one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
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