guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
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