Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
