Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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