The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Randomize
