I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
You may now shotgun with the bride
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
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