make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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