You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
