Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
