I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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