You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
