I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
Randomize
