I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
