just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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