I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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