you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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