this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
birth control should be required to get into college
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
