I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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