eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
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