I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Randomize
