got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
stop calling my apartment porn island.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
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