I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Randomize
