and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
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