just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
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