i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
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