ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
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