I can't watch pbs sober anymore
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
