But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
