Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
