if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
