And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
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