things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
