i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
Randomize
