I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
