It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
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