My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
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