Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
