I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Randomize
