My Higher Power is John Stamos
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
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