I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Randomize
