He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
Randomize
