Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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